I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
