In America we eat man semen.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
