so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
