We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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