I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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