That's when you crack a 10am beer
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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