I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
