Whod you bang
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
