im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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