capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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