i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
