i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
