You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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