I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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