i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
