I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
