Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
