If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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