i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
