I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
