I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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