Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
