Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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