I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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