I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
