well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
