Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
