Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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