Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
