I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
