Don't make out with my wife yet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
