he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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