if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
