HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
