i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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