Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
