New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
