My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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