I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
