walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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