I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
