Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
