I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
