im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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