there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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