there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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