Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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