considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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