whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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