Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
