Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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