his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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