You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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