my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
