I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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