every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
