Whod you bang
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
