I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
