He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
