HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Someone came in the potted fern
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
