Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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