I need to stop coming to work sober
I checked into jail on foursquare
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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