Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
