oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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