I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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