As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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