Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
