My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
