He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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