Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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