He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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