If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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