people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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